A True Story: Why Did The Chicken NOT Cross the Road?

By Bruce Mayfield, BSCS, MBA, MSPsy, Contributing Writer & Photographer

Saloons – and Behavioral Science – abound in “philo-slopical” ramblings as to, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Wrestling this conundrum, they overlook the contingency,

“Why did the chicken NOT cross the road?” One of Einstein’s friendships illuminates this fowl quandary.

Carol and I were “Jeeping”, on the Tower Road in Eagle Nest – descending the mountain, at about 9,000 feet. A chicken appeared – middle of the road – and just stopped – stopping us. (Yes, we break for chickens!)

Carol said, “What is a chicken doing on the mountain? A mountain lion, or wild cat, or coyote, or eagle, or hawk – will EAT it!”

Disturbed by the chicken’s potential “dinner guests”, she continued, ” I’ll feel very bad if I don’t try to catch that chicken.” Before I could… “Say, WHAT!”, Carol was out of the Jeep – door wide open.

The chicken – watching under the Jeep – orbited the Jeep – opposite Carol – until reaching the open door – and again, stopped. It cackled, swishing its head – to one eye, then the other – as if studying me.

I gawked back, equally studious, concluding this wayward chicken – was obviously in need of a Decision Making Chart, with 2 Probability Options – even a chicken could understand.

Option A: Stay here and DIE. Option B: Get in the Jeep and (maybe) NOT DIE.

I then offered Option B, “If you want to go with us, get in!” – open handily beckoning the chicken to come hither..

No second offer, no second thought, no decision chart was necessary.

Shockingly, there was a flurry of wings and feathers. The chicken was in the passenger seat – then, the back seat – as if to say, “I have had it with this high mountain living – at the bottom of the food chain; Get me “cluckedly, pluckedly” out of here!”

Clinical Hypothesis: This chicken already had an action plan!

Carol, totally shocked exclaimed, “Now, what do we do!”

Fact: You may argue there are no stupid questions; but, you must agree there are a plethora of stupid answers – usually realized in instantaneous retrospect of their utterance, as follows:

“Let’s name it!” (I heard myself say.) Carol bluntly blurted, “NAME IT! We are not going to keep that chicken! As soon as we get home, we are going to find (pause) “IT” (pause) a home”.

Clinical Fact: If mama ain’t happy, then nobody’s happy.

Counseling Suggestion: “Yes, Dear”, are THE MOST IMPORTANT WORDS preceding anything you may consider – or dare risk saying – prior to uttering the word, “but …”

So, I thoughtfully said, “Yes, Dear; but … ,

A “named chicken” implies a home – for “roosting”;

A “no-named chicken” implies a home – for “roasting”.”

Carol, squinted in protest, but agreed.

My “fowl” appeal continued, “Statistically (i.e., the scientific equivalent of a lie, or dang lie), chickens on a farm seem to be “mostly girl chickens” (i.e., “hens”) – and the best anatomically correct name – to endear a hen – is, “Hen-rietta”“. Carol agreed.

Riding home, comfortable, looking out the windows – this “wild ride”, obviously, was not Henrietta’s first rodeo.

Home, Einstein’s puppy-cage, covered with a towel – was placed on a wagon – and Henrietta was gently transferred. Peaking under the towel. Henrietta’s eyes were closed – fast asleep.

Clinical Fact: There is no place like home. Home is a living thing, found in peace of mind and heart – shared with people you trust; among whom – you, too – are trusted. This is the foundation of a “loving” home.

Next morning, removing the towel, Henrietta was wide-eyed and surprisingly reserved, as were Jessie, our 20 pound cat, and Einstein. Einstein ventured close to the cage. Suddenly Henrietta spread her wings, arched her neck – and CROWED! Einstein bustled back into the house, between Carol’s ankles.

Google-ing this chicken behavior, Carol and I agreed – “Hen-rietta’ was a “Hen-ry”.

Learning, chickens are omnivores, foraging in the grass for bugs and seeds – we let Henry out of his cage.

To my relief, Einstein and Jessie were enthralled with Henry. Jessie rolled-over in the sun – for Henry to check him out. Einstein followed Henry around the yard – on a quest – to stick his nose up Henry’s … plumage. To Einstein’s delight, Henry occasionally chased him.

Toni Kuchan, of Kuchan Ranch, adjacent to the Great Plains, offered a long-term home for Henry – as the only rooster in Toni’s hen house, full of hens!

Moral to Story: Having a dream – and a “fowl plan” – is why, “The chicken did NOT cross the road!”

Postscript: Some men are thinking, “Wow, what luck!”; however, Toni later reported, Henry, out-numbered by the hens, is literally “low-man in the pecking order“ – pun intended.

Chinese Proverb: “Be careful what you ask for…”